Today I had a good cry. Memories of my troubled marriage came flooding. I was back to a time when I had no hope for living and tried to starve myself to death. My father in law Michael was my guardian angel: he would come over to our house and annoy me to leave and have some food with him. I had no appetite for food, and certainly didn't want to have anything to do with him. Mike was a loving and dear man. When the rest of my ex-husband's family thought I was being a drama queen, Mike convinced them that it was very real, and I needed their love and support. I regret that I never saw him in his final days: he passed in March 2009. At the time, our civic choir was singing Requiem, both Mozart's and Brahms'. I dedicated my concert to his memory. I think of him going into battle for me. In fact, I believe he is always near. I will never forget the conversations we always had about musicals: we were the only ones who knew about South Pacific (I was nicknamed his "Polynesian flower") or anything of that genre. Maybe I'm thinking of him right now because he passed on about this time. God has a funny way of doing that. But I will allow the tears to fall in memory of a great man.
I love you, Michael. I miss you. I'm sorry I didn't visit you in those last days. I was too scared to see your withered form eaten by the cancer. Forgive me. I miss you, and hope you will always watch over me every day. Please help me fight my battles as I work on my personal recovery from a troubled and broken heart.
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